Pic from soffk7.wordpress.com
As the fire colored leaves of autumn find there decent to the frosted ground I am find myself reflecting on the past year and all of its changes. Autumn feels like the gentle closing of a chapter and the beginning of a beautiful time to cocoon and reassemble.
I can definitely feel my connectivity to the planet in times of change such spring and autumn, and I have learned to honor the natural transition of body and mind. Before me are the coming months of the freezing cold and descending dark. It feels like a test in patience, resilience and self confrontation when the outside world freezes over. It is very similar to the same times in which we experience inner darkness and descent in our hearts and minds. The outside world can seem cold and bitter, while our inner world feels isolated and yearning for change.
Pic from fanpop.com
What I have learned about times that are colored with brief bouts of depression and sadness, from years of direct experience of tears on t-shirts, is that not only is it common for people to feel depressed every so often, but it is also necessary. The discomfort of sadness and depression is a signal to your mind and body from your subconscious that something needs to change or is in a state of transition. Whether it is our diet (poor eating habits have been linked to chemical imbalances in the body), our lifestyle, or our relationships; our body is responding to the energy in which it is surrounded. We are no longer in sync with our environment and the energy exchange between the two needs to shift.
For me, not only is it about diet, but its about perspective. The Sad is not new for me. I can remember my first feelings of depression when I was 6 years old in the back of my mom’s boyfriends car. It scared me because it was so strong and sudden and dark. It was like my heart was cracking open and filling up my lap with darkness. From that day on, Depression and Anxiety were regular play dates. It made me pretty crazy at times because I felt that I could never escape the feelings, and they felt like they were just clinging onto my back and weighing me down all the time.
So, fast forward….after all the spiritual work and metaphysical journeys that I have experienced – I still catch the eye of my old friend Sad. Yup, it seems that hasn’t changed. But what has changed is my ability to manage and understand my feelings. One day when I felt like I was at war with my emotions, and they were like cells that were dividing and multiplying in my body, I just decided to sit with it and let whatever was going to happen – happen. I stopped resisting it. I sat within the emotions and allowed myself to feel.
What did I find?
That it had everything to do with perspective. Everything.
It was a perspective of different things, maybe you can relate to some of the things I have listed below:
- Expectation: I found that once I started to listen to the dictation of thoughts in my mind I could see the underlying expectation underneath. Whether it was an expectation about how I thought people should act, what I deserved in life, or what the day should bring to me – it was all an undercurrent of expectation that was creating massive amounts of tension and resistance in my body and mind.
- Judgement: Well, if something doesn’t meet up with your expectation the first thing to do is to Judge it. Just judge the crap out of it. It could be a fellow driver (still do this), girl walking down the street, a family member in trouble, a friend sharing her feelings, the way a room is put together, the way a couple treats each other, the news, media and celebrities. It’s got potential everywhere and it is so ingrained in us to judge others and ourselves harshly.
- Lack of acceptance: This is the biggest form of resistance. We believe in resisting all things that are unknown, strange, unappealing, and new. The truth of it is that when we accept life as it is in the moment, exactly as it is, then we can see it for what it really is – and not see it as all it should be. Because no matter how much we try to control everything, we simply can’t do it. And when we finally reach our breaking point from all the stress of trying to control the Universe we throw our hands up and “give up”. That relaxation into the moment in vital. It’s not that I should stop trying – it’s that I should start allowing life to blossom naturally. Because, let’s face it – we don’t really know how things “should” be.
These three new awareness’s were really incredible for me when they were seen. It was suddenly obvious that I was creating a burden for myself simply by the way I was choosing to see Life. The more I work on basic acceptance, the more I can see myself and the story of my life more clearly. It is what it is because – it is. There can really be no other way in the moment, so I just choose to observe it closely without expectation or judgement. I have discovered beauty in places that are dark, and love in places that are in pain. I enjoy watching the natural unfolding of my story.
Pic: fanpop.com
And now winter is rolling in behind the snow birds that travel south, leaving her frosty footprints on my windshield and rooftop, as a glorious slumber approaches the land. I am looking forward to snow this year, and to watching as my story continues to unfold under her white and glacial blanket.
My Esoteric Flux 