Norton
We adopted a new kitten. Our family of four (my partner and I along with a pug named Dexter and an orange tabby named Obi) was quickly spun off its axis by this newly integrated little soul that we named Norton. He is a sweet Manx kitten. So adorable and Obi very quickly took on the parenting role of cleaning, watching and wrestling with him. Apparently, neutered male cats have this tendency to become maternal when confronted with a parentless kitten. Norton was a wild feline, born on a farm to a wild momma who became pregnant very quickly after giving birth to Norton and his sibling, thus rejecting her babies. So I opted to bring the fragile little being into my home and make him a part of our family.
This has been a huge learning curve for me, and unexpectedly so. I fell in love with Norton quickly, but it became obvious within days that I my allergies were going to have the last say in the matter as they had reached their maximum now with two cats in the house. So now we have found him a new loving home for the end of the week.
In this time with Norton, I watched the dynamic in our little family shift. Dexter’s jealousy and confusion about what to do with such a little thing, and Obi’s wrestling antics with the baby as well as his aloof attitude toward me when Norton was around took me off guard. At first I was nervous about this change, but then I began to see the reflection of our instinctual nature in the dynamic being presented before me. When Obi and I are alone, he became overly affectionate and connected to me. I became aware of his own duality of needs. Like most of us, he has one hand on responsibility and the desire to nurture, but on the other hand he wants the same for himself. He wants to be the baby sometimes – to be held and loved and adored. The same goes with Dexter; he wants to guard his territory and be dominant, while on the other hand he wants to be a part of their play time and affection.
When I discovered that I had to give up Norton it really affected me. I cried. I felt like I was abandoning this vulnerable little kitten into the harsh winds of the world because I couldn’t be there to protect and watch over him. Soon I began to see my own reflection in Norton. When I was a child there was abuse and abandonment, so I know what it feels like to feel unloved and unwanted. So those feelings are projected onto the animals that I live with. I can’t have my own children (allegedly), but I would imagine the same thing happens with our own children. The difference in this situation – besides the obvious – is the observation of the instinctual and raw emotions that animals portray toward each other. They ride their emotions like barrel over a waterfall. There is no presumption or hiding – just the immediate needs and reactions.
As much as I am fascinated by our internal intellectual and spiritual clockwork, the awareness and observation of my own instinctual and emotional reactions brought me back into my own animal nature. The raw and fleshy power of my DNA and electrical impulses. Plus watching my body react and reject a newcomer into our environment brought to mind the microcosmic battle that my body was fighting in order to love this little soul and bring him into our home.
So my lesson in this, at least partly, was that there is an organic predominance that is often ignored when it comes to our intellect and theological principals. Our mammalian nature has a definite say in how we respond and organize our thoughts. There are three (or more) personalities that are wearing this human suit – the mammal, the thinker and the spirit – that make up the character and role that we play in our story. I can see that acknowledging this principal and working with it instead of against it creates a picture that is both colorful and tangible. Often we abuse our humanness in search for something more worthy of our adoration and attention, when actually, the trinity of our character is what makes it so interesting to be human.
So as I get ready to hand him over to a new family, where he will be loved, I am confronted with the reality of attachment. For such a small package of sweetness, he has sure done an incredible job of reminding me of my heartstrings that delicately bind this family together. And for that I am grateful.
My Esoteric Flux 